Dairy Of An Oni
by Bubblegum Royalty
Summary: Bakura is back and wants to get on with his life but others unforgiving words and actions make it difficult. Only Ryou and his family are willing to forgive him. The Pharaoh only sees it fit to place pity on him. How can he help them see he's changed for the better if they wont even give him the chance?
1. Week 1

WHOEVER IS READING MY JOURNAL WILL BE SHOT DOWN FROM WHATEVER HIGH CLOUD THEY SIT ON AND WILL BE TURNED INTO A LAWN ORNAMENT... YB.

* * *

Ah, once again it is time for me to move!

(Though technically, the last two times were when I set the kitchen on fire and Ryou and I had to live upstairs until the supposedly disgusting smell my fire caused died. And the first time was when I moved in with Ryou.)

Have made it pretty much clear to Ryou that I loathe (and hate and detest) this idea, but he still stands firm on the idea so there's nothing I can do about it. Right about now he's probably going berserk over the fact that I haven't packed a single thing in over three weeks.

(Mainly, because he thinks I have a bad habit of procrastinating and I only have three days left to pack everything I own.)

* * *

Was just interrupted by Ryou. He wanted to know whether or not I was packing. Tossed my Journal behind me and it landed with a thud in the nearest cardboard box. Promised him I was packing. He smiled and left. Am sure as hell not packing. My Journal and I are instead going out into the night.

More later, I've got some late night terrorism to do.

* * *

After a brief walk down the block I was intercepted by Ryou. It seems he used our mind link to make sure I was where I was supposed to be...which I was not.

(In my defense, The Packing does not have to be done until the night before.)

Have just spent the last two hours packing a single box. It seems weird, yes, that the great Thief King/King Of Thief's/Tombrobber would need two hours to pack a measly box but:

A/1. It's a very large box. (About twice as large as the average box.)

B/2. I have many possessions. (About thrice as much as a normal human.)

Am now finished and filled with an abnormal sense of completion. Decided that enough was enough for the night, and jumped out the window and ran down the block. Stopped to make sure Ryou was no where in sight. Oddly enough, he wasn't. Got curious and nudged him through the mind link. Here's how that went:

**"Huh...wha- Bakura where are you?"**

_"In a second, Hikari. What were you doing?" (Sensing grogginess)_

**"Huh? Oh, I guess I dozed off for a sec..." (He is no doubt yawning)**

_(Nudge) "Uh-uh. You are staying awake if you want to know where I am."_

**"You're at the end of the block..." ( Another Yawn) " Right?"**

_(Damn him) "Sure..."_

**"Something you want Bakura?" **

_(Fighting the urge to scream, very badly) " I finished packing a box..."_

**"A BOX?...Very good. That really is more than I expected from you tonight. Have fun..."**

_(Yelling at this point) "HEY! I wasn't looking for your permission to-" (At this point Ryou blocks me out and falls asleep) "Damn." (Sigh/groan.)_

It seems my Hikari actually thinks he is in charge. Ha! As if!

More later, I have a revenge scheme to mastermind...

* * *

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (IT'S WEIRD ISN'T IT?)

It appears local Bandit Keith wont be earning sleep in the near future. Whether day or night, he wont...-

Okay. Maybe going overboard. Details below;

A couple nights ago, Bandit Keith thought it was appropriate to put through an anonymous call to the police about my 'unusual' habits and how they were harming the neighborhood. Ryou got the worst of it because the daft law enforcement could not tell the difference between us. It seems after no one came and answered the door they burst in and arrested Ryou.

Ryou of course, had thought the pounding on the door had been me.

(How much of a twit is he?)

They kept him at their so called headquarters past his bed time. Imagine the fit I had to pitch to get him out of there! Then the ninny's realized I was the one they were after and tried to take me down. Fools. Sadly, no one got harmed or sent to shadow realms. Why? Because I promised Ryou that no matter how conscious he was I wouldn't harm or send anyone to the shadow realms in his presence unless the situation desperately called for it.

The (poor) boy freaked out the next day and woke me up (In the middle of the day! Argh!). He made me promise to find a way to make sure that this would never happen again. Something I did not argue against. Much.

"How dare that pathetic excuse for a bandit try to upstage me!" I had thought," After all, I sent his brainless crew that consisted of Bonz and a couple others (they all look the same to me) to the shadow realms!"

Since then, I have spent nights planning revenge against him and the wannabes who call themselves police men/women.

(Did not contribute to my Packing at all, this did)

So first, I painted all over his car (I believe it was called a Lamborghini or something) and used shadow magic to turn the paint invisible. I then robbed the local morgue of one of its dead and stuffed the body into Keith's car and dribbled paint over it. Waited for Keith to take a drive and right in front of an officer of the law I jumped into the middle of the road and made obnoxious noises. When I had his attention I screamed at the car (loud enough for the windows to break) and turned my face into a Scream mask four times to big to wear.

Keith yelled and swerved trying to miss me but I followed the car as it swerved. I hid when he hit a street lamp and the paint I had splashed on his car came back to life. Mind you, this was red paint...

The officer ran up to the accident and tried to fine Keith for running into me, but, of course, I was no where in sight. Still suspicious about the redness all over Keith's car the officer had Keith pop open his trunk and sure enough...DEAD BODY! AHAHAHAHAHAH! Covered in red paint.

Keith then got arrested by said officer and he and his car both got brought to police HQ. While no one was looking, I jammed every exit/enter door to make sure they wouldn't be able to escape and used the red paint to paint all over the walls a nice message that was sure to scare them out of their wits. But I made sure to hide the messages with shadow magic. I knocked out the guard and played the top ten best horror movie themes over the speaker system.

Finally, I let all the gory creatures from my deck loose. They chased around every officer, lawyer and criminal in the building. Soon, I revealed my secret messages, all the puny brainless cows did was scream.

**DIE! DIE! DIE YOU WORTHLESS FOOLS! YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY AND THE PLANET AT THE HANDS OF MY MONSTERS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SHALL DIE IN THE HANDS OF HELL! IN THE MOST BRUTAL WAY(S)! AHAHAHAH! PERISH YOU WEAKLINGS!**

Can not understand how they found this message scary. It's hilarious as a Pantyhose Wearing Kangaroo! After cackling like a mad man at their expense (which might have crept them out more, who knows?) I left them trapped there knowing that the magic would wear of in a couple hours and that my duel monsters wouldn't harm a soul unless it was commanded of them for the next couple of hours.

May need to rethink if this prank will keep them away from Ryou...

* * *

Magic has worn off and monsters have returned to my deck. Every news station is broadcasting live from the HQ about my prank and how terrifying it was and blah blah blah!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sure Ryou will not mind what I did.

* * *

Gott Verdammt!

(German for God Damn it!)

Sunrise already? Not fair!

Time for bed...(Sadly).

* * *

Woke up shortly after Dusk to find Ryou preparing dinner for he and I and Amane...his dead sister. That I brought back from the afterlife with me.

(Though I was in the shadow realms.)

He was awkwardly trying to converse with her. Here's how that wound up:

**"So, Amane...How do you think you're doing so far?"**

"Uh...I dunno?"

**"Really? Er, that's interesting...to say the least... Do you enjoy working with me?"**

"Um...I dunno?"

**"That's nice...I think. Oh, Good Evening, Yami! Say,um, hi to Bakura,Amane...please?"**

" 'Morning?"

_"Sure Amane...Good morning to you too..."_

(Smiling) "Morning 'Kura. Morning Ry."

**"No Amane! Don't stick Your head in the oven! That's where the food goes!"**

_"Hahahahah!"_

**"You brought her back Bakura. I'd expect you'd help take care of her!"**

_(Irked at him. He still thinks he in charge?!) "Good Evening Ryou." (What else?) "What's for Dinner/Breakfast?"_

**"Meatloaf, peas, mashed potatoes tonight, Yami." (Sigh.) "Did you hear the news last night?"**

_"Nothing good was on last night..."_

**"Nothing good? One of your pranks made it on the news!"**

"Made the knews!"

_"They always make the news...when I want them to..."_

**"I suppose you got your job done?"**

"Job is done?"

**"No Amane. I meant 'Kura."**

"Kura? It done?"

**"You two should be happy to know that the police wont bother you guys for a while." **

"Yay?"

**"Actually, Amane's going with you to your new apartment."**

_"What?"_

"Yay?"

_"I brought her back so you could be with her again! Why does she have to live with me?!"_

"Yeah? Why?"

**"Cause 'Kura rehabilitate better than I can. And it's not as if I wont visit and of course I'll let Amane stay whenever she wants."**

"Oh? 'Kay Ry?"

_"Fine. But as soon as she's all better she lives with you!"_

**(Ignoring me) "Sure."**

Blasted Ryou!

* * *

Once again, BLASTED RYOU!

After dinner he marched me and Amane up into my room.

(By now Ryou knows it's better to keep his room far from mine so he sleeps on the first floor and I sleep on the third floor directly underneath the attic while Amane usually prowls along the second floor along with some stuff I own. The second floor is like something out of a horror movie! Ha!)

He gave us both the strict command not to leave the house until we had at least three-four boxes packed and ready to go. I suspect he also told Amane that I was to do some of the work to or else she was not to budge. Because whenever I stop Packing, so does she.

I'm only getting away with writing because I'm pretend to shuffle underneath my bed for things to pack.

Crap, here comes Ryou!...

* * *

Ryou confiscated my Journal until I actually finished my work. Managed to give him the illusion I was by roaming around the second floor and collecting stuff from various traps, floorboards and fake walls.

(I like to keep my stuff safe.)

But, I was mostly just searching for the blueprints to all my booby traps and plans that I most definitely can't leave behind. Even though I do trust Ryou and his father. I just can't leave them behind. How stupid would that be?

Ryou walked in when I was reviewing my blueprints/Plans and making sure I had them all. Got off easily by promising to deactivate whatever traps I made around the house.

It took me only five minutes to take them all apart and pack them. I tricked Ryou into thinking I was still working, stole back my Journal and headed out into the night.

Spent the past five hours combing around town hall with my duel monsters, throwing a party in the graveyard, chaining people to their beds, remodeling their houses to resemble horror movie sets, setting of car alarms, robbing stores, painting on fences, knifing tires, inserting plastic bugs/mice into restaurants/stores/packing plants/salons, and challenging brainless dummies to duels.

Until I reached the Mouto's game shop. I had known that the Pharaoh and Mariku were back since I came back over five years ago. They had come over to Ryou's house while Amane and I had hid in the attic but I never heard or saw them or the others Ryou hangs out with.

For some strange reason, I was faced with a feeling of nostalgia and regret I haven't felt since I came back to Ryou all those years ago.

I quickly grabbed my red paint and wrote "**MISS ME?**" in nice big pretty letters on the door.

Afterwards, I just stood there. Not knowing what to do, it's something that rarely ever happens to me. At the most, it has probably happened only once or twice in my entire life. Like, when I first came back, I was unsure on whether I should really go to my Hikari or not. But Amane helped me with that decision pretty quickly.

Only other time I can think of is that night back in Kul Elna,Egypt...ANYWAYS!

I, with my super sensitive hearing, heard something moving and looked up. A light turned on in the upper part of the store. I don't when the last time I panicked was before this, but on seeing that light turn on I felt panicky and nervous. Weird right?

I heard footsteps coming downstairs and towards the door. Had I been seen? If I didn't move away from this door, I would definitely be seen but I couldn't move. It was almost as if I was petrified. Finally, as the doorknob turned, I got the strength to move. I swerved around the corner and pressed myself against the wall just as the door opened.

Now, I have no way of knowing who had opened the door and I wasn't going to move until I was sure the door was shut with whoever opened it inside. The person didn't speak. Or do anything for a couple moments. Suddenly, there was a sigh and I heard the door close softly. I stood there for a couple moments more, just to be certain and then I bolted and didn't stop until I had made it back to Ryou's.

Got my ear chewed off by my Hikari and then he brought me back to my room and stayed there just to make sure I was packing.

AM NOT PLEASED BY HOW THIS NIGHT WOUND UP. AT ALL.

* * *

Just woke face down on the floor with my Journal next to me.

SCREW THIS.

Am going to sleep.

* * *

Woke up at 7:00 pm and fixed myself a bowl of cereal. Slightly confused Ryou because I usually don't wake up until after the sunsets, but he just shrugged it off and went into his room to watch THE SISTER ACT.

Instructed Amane to pack up all the stuff on the second floor that belongs to either me or her and went to join Ryou.

_"You gamble, murder people, steal, and cheat on your wife and getting a divorce is going to send you to hell?" I said to particularly no one as I entered the room._

Ryou rolled his eyes. **"Don't talk to the television, Yami."**

_"I wasn't talking to no one, Ry."  
_

Ryou spent the rest of the movie ignoring me as I made remarks to the television like, _"A penguin isn't the only thing you resemble deary!" _and, _"So risking your fellow nuns safety by telling her to jump out of a moving car is any more safer than putting a nun in a casino?"_

When the movie was done, I trudged up to the second floor to find Amane trying to pack her stuff inside my things. I shook my head.

_"Wanna watch a movie,Amane?"_

"The Chase?"  


_"Sure Amane, we'll watch Charlie Sheen."  
_

Amane squealed and dropped everything she held and ran downstairs leaving everything in a broken cluttered heap on the floor.

**" 'Kura, What was that?"**

_"Just junk that no longer need packing..." _

**"Oh, Okay. Make sure to clean up after yourself."  
**

_"Like hell I will."  
_

Ditched the mess Amane made and joined her on the couch, where she was squealing at a million miles per second. From that moment on she squealed every time that American reject actor came on screen. By the time the movie was over, my ears were ringing.

Ryou came out of his room. **"Now, if you two are done with your squeal fest-"** _(Making mental note to kill him for that comment.) _**" I suggest that it's best we all watch a movie together."**

" 'Kura turn."  


**"Yes, Amane. It's Bakura's turn to choose a movie."  
**

(Squeals)

_"Stop squealing!"_

" 'Kay?"  


I got off the couch and Ryou took my place to Amane. I combed the video cabinet for something to watch that wont set them off and wake me up in the middle of the day/ refuse to leave my side all night until day time rolls around.

_"Voices? Nope. Halloween? No. Nightmare on elm street? Nada. The Butterfly Effect? Uh-uh. Coraline? Hell no! Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Uh,no. Ernest Scared Stupid? Blech! The Nightmare before Christmas? I swear you two scare to easily. The Exorcist? Maybe another time. How about the Corpse Bride?"_

And of course they jumped up and down for that.

Man, they are such dweebs.

* * *

Thanks to Amane, not much Packing is left to be done. No thanks to me...(Or is it?)

I have officially forgotten how many days I have left until Amane and I move out. Ryou wont remind me no matter how much I bug him. This sucks.

You ever wonder the point of life? C'mon! The only necessities are that you eat,drink,sleep and occasionally use the bathroom. You aren't required to do something unless you want to.

(Unless there comes a point when you are forced to do something by some one who's name shall not be said-RYOU!- that you don't want to.)

Take for instance, the Pharaoh and his pathetic friends. They don't have to continue saving the world but they do it anyway. No one has threatened this puny planet in a while but from what Ryou tells me, they wont let their guard down. I'm surprised they haven't figured out some of the most massive pranks that have been played on this city have been me! So, I guess their guard isn't up that much, but still...

Ugh. I'm tired of rambling.

Will report back when something interesting happens...

* * *

Finally! Something interesting happened! (Official moving day, if you want a date.)

Ryou, Amane and I were walking to my new apartment with the stuff we couldn't fit into the moving van after it'd been packed. And guess who we just happened to run into...

THE PHARAOH AND HIS PUNY FRIENDS!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

They seemed pretty concerned about something. Amane squeaked and dropped what she held, trying to hide behind Ryou. The group jerked their heads up and stared with wide eyes while I tried to fade into the background.

_"Bakura!" (Yugi)_

_"Him or me?"_

**"How did you get free?!" (Wheeler mutt)  
**

_"Been free for the past five years, you dog."_

**_"What? That's practically impossible!" (Tea..or Anzu...whatever her name is...I'll call her lady friendship.)  
_**

_"Impossible? No. Unlikely? Yes."  
_

"WhY dIdN't RyOu TeLl uS yOu WeRe BaCk? DiD yOu ThReAtEn HiM?!" (Tristan)

_"No of course not!"_

"THEN WHY DIDN'T HE TELL US?" (That Duke guy.)

**"Stop it! Just leave him alone!"**

(Wide eyed Geek Squad)

_**(Tilts his head to the side) "Who is that? I think she's..." (Pharaoh)**_

**"Amane! No! Don't tape Bakura's possessions to the telephone pole!" (Putting down box, running after Amane.)  
**

**"Amane? As in dead little sister Amane?"**

_"Yep. She came with me. But I didn't have permissions of the Gods to take her back so we speak, so she's a bit...slow."_

_**"Tombrobber! You just can't do that stuff-"**__(Rolling my eyes) **"Never mind."**_

_**"Why did he say Bakura's possessions? You moving or something?"  
**_

_"In fact, I am. After spending five lovely years with Ryou and his Father, Amane and I are going to get on with our lives." _

"SHOULDN'T AMANE STAY WITH RYOU BECAUSE SHE'S HIS SISTER?"

_"Ryou believes that I would have an easier time rehabilitating her than he would, so she'll stay with me 'til- ACK! Why am I telling you all this?!"_

_"Because yo-"_

_"Mund Halten, Midget."_

**"C'mon, Bakura! We don't have all day and I'm sure you'd actually like to get some sleep today."  
**

**_"Ryou, if somethi-"  
_**

**"I really don't need your input at this point."**

"Move boxes 'Kura? Boxes Ry?"  


_"You and Ryou go ahead. I haven't had a chance like this in half a decade."  
_

**(Mind link) "Ya sure?"  
**

_(Mind link) "Completely."_

**"C'mon Amane. Lets leave Bakura alone so he can catch up with the Pharaoh and Yugi and the others."**

"Have fun, 'Kura?"  


_"Sure I will. Don't worry."  
_

(Smiling) "Comin' Ry!"  


_**"Great, he left us alone with a psychotic killer who wants me dead!"  
**_

_(Whispering) "You wish, Pharaoh." (Louder) "Actually, I've had multiple opportunities to kill you in the last five years, so why would I wait till now?"  
_

**_"I, um, well-uh...Good point (for once)..."_**

_(Remembering why they didn't know I was back.) "How 'bout we all get together after I'm done moving in? It'll be...fun?"  
_

**"What are playing at, Thief?"  
**

_(Man, I wish Ryou was here.) **"You all right, Bakura?" (placing his hand on my forehead) "You seem a lil', how should I put this?..."**  
_

_( Eyebrow raised) **"Out of character..."** (Laughing at the pathetic Pharaoh, noticing he hasn't moved his hand. Feeling nervously tingly.) **"What's so funny?"**  
_

_"You think this out of character? You really did have no idea I was back, did you?" (chuckling) "People, or as I am one, Immortal dead persons change. Though, I haven't changed...much."  
_

**_"If you changed you wouldn't mind if I did.." (Nervousness) "..This." _**

Then the Pharaoh did something unexpected and unpharaoh like. He moved forward cautiously and stood on the tips of his sneakers. Then, he planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I instantly felt my face burning. As he backed down and backed up cautiously wondering what I was going to do, I could feel the spot on my cheek he kissed tingling and,oddly enough, I liked the sensation. Suddenly, I felt like asking him to kiss me again but this time on the-

Slowly, I shook my head and muttered something about Ryou and Amane waiting for me. Without another thought, I took of faster than...um, the fasting thing on this planet. When I arrived at the apartment, I was taking deep breaths and my face had turned a pretty (pretty disgusting, that is.) shade of magenta.

Ryou asked me if I was alright. We had the following discussion:

_"You- ya would- wouldn't...B-believe me if.. I were to tell you, Hikari."_

**"Well, I want to know. The last time you were in this state is when you walked in on Dad and his date-"  
**

_(Wincing) "Don't remind me!"  
_

**"Seriously, yami, what's up? I know there's something wrong, you told me so, so don't lie."**

_"When you and Amane left the Pharaoh asked me if I felt all right because he thought I wasn't acting like the Thief he knew. When I told him I'd changed just the tiniest bit he wanted to make sure so, he did something I would have usually hurt him for- I mean when Zorc had control of me."  
_

**"And he did what?"  
**

_"...Kissed me...on the cheek..." (pointing to the spot) "Right here."  
_

**"And you did?"  
**

_"Blushed, muttered something about you and Amane waiting for me, and took off."_

**"Now he probably thinks you're scared of him..."  
**

_"I am- I mean I'm scared of what he'll do to me."  
_

**"Understandable, but I doubt he'll do anything to you. You've been back for five years without him knowing and haven't done a thing except play petty/revenge pranks- No offense meant of course."  
**

_"Not that the comment gave off any offense."  
_

**"So I doubt he has the power to do anything to you except try to be your friend if you'll let him."  
**

_(Really? That sounds good.) "One more thing, Hikari."  
_

**"Yes, Yami?"  
**

_"When he kissed me... I wanted him to kiss me again- And I mean a full out make out session."  
_

**"..."**

_"You think there's a chance...? That I..? That he...?"  
_

**"Only time will tell." ( Obviously disturbed.) **

Of course, I already know how I feel about the Pharaoh. Secretly, I've always found him attractive. Even when I worked for Zorc. But, I always pushed the feelings aside thinking that everyone lusts after their arch enemies at one point in time or another. Sadly, because of these feelings, I found myself not wanting him dead but was pretty much obligated to try and take his life because of Zorc.

Now, I'm not sure if these feelings are simply lust. I hardly now him though, so it must be lust...but then again...

Anyways, I have some stuff to put up. I always liked the Unpacking better than the actually packing.

* * *

Have finished Unpacking. It's night now and I should be out and about, but I spent time checking out the neighbors.

(Not how it sounds)

Apparently, this building is home to Vivian Wong and Mariku. Whoopee. Also, the apartment across the hall happens to be the Von Schroeder's Domino City home. Can't they just have a Mansion in the outskirts of town like other foreign billionaires?

Am tired. Do not want to spend my first night here sleeping like I'm diurnal.

Amane and I are sneaking into Ryou's attic to get some sleep. Then we'll come back.

_Bakura out._


	2. NOTICE!

**THIS IS A NOTICE, NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER!**

**MY GRANDMOTHER RECENTLY DIED SO I PROBABLY WON'T HAVE TIME TO UPDATE MY STORIES FOR A WHILE. WHEN I GET THE CHANCE, I WILL REPLACE THIS NOTICE WITH THE ACTUAL CHAPTER.**

**BUBBLEGUM ROYALTY.**


End file.
